“I have a secret. It's sort of disturbing.”
This are my Granny Nanny's Sugar Cookies.
2 3/4 cups whole wheat flour (or 1 1/2 cup wheat flour + 1 cup oatmeal + 1/2 cup bran)
2 tsp. baking powder
6 tbsp of applesauce (or pumpkin, but do not substitute for a whole mashed banana)
1/2-1 tsp. freshly churned semen
1 1/2 cup organic sugar
1 1/2 tablespoons dried lavender
1 cup vegan non-hydrogenated margarine, softened
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla extract (or almond, if desired)
1 tablespoon of orange zest
1/2 tablespoon of cinnamon
1/2 tablespoon of ground (1 1/2 tablespoons of fresh) ginger
1/8 teaspoon salt
+
2 cup powdered organic sugar
2 tablespoons soymilk powder (or almond milk)
1-2 tablespoons of water
2 tsp vanilla extract (or almond, if desired)
Food liquid or gel-paste food coloring
Sprinkles
1/8-1/4 drop of freshly milked and churned semen (or 1-2 drops on your taste)
.........1. Preheat oven to 350°F (175°C). Make sure you let your oven preheat for at least 1/2 hour before baking these or any other cookies.
.........2. Making cookies: Cream butter (margarine) and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in applesauce, vanilla, lavender, cinnamon, ground ginger, and orange zest. Mix well. Mix dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, salt) in a separate bowl, and add a little at a time to butter mixture. Mix until flour is completely incorporated and dough comes together.
.........3. Add semen directly from well erected and prepared penis, knock on the mixture and stir the mixture with full erected penis pretty well. A man should draw up his multiorgasmic waves, should be milking, churning, should strengthen his arousal and shouldn't ejaculate. He beats the dough until smooth (nice job for a boy).
.........4. Divide dough into 5-6 balls. You might need to add the flour a bit if the dough feels too wet and sticky. (Or you may put the divided dough in the fridge for like 10 minutes to firm it up a bit and take it out of the fridge in small batches to cut easily.) Roll one ball to 1/4-inch thickness on lightly floured work surface. Cut into desired shapes, and transfer to prepared baking sheets. Repeat with remaining dough ball and scraps.
.........5. Roll the dough to desired thickness and cut into desired shapes.
.........6. Coat baking sheets with cooking spray, or line with parchment paper or silpat mat.
.........7. Bake the dough on ungreased baking sheet for 8 to 17 minutes, or until just beginning lightly to brown around the edges (longer time for thicker cookies).
.........8. Cool 10 minutes on baking sheets, then gently remove cookies with a spatula and transfer to wire rack to cool completely.
.........9. Making icing: Combine powdered sugar and soymilk powder in a mixing bowl. Add 1 tablespoon of water and stir. Add the vanilla extract and food coloring and stir. Add 1-2 drops of semen and stir. Continue to add water a little bit at a time until desired consistency (thick toothpaste) is reached. If it gets watery or drippy, add more sugar.
.........10. Ice cookies as desired. And sprinkles. Cookies sometimes take up to 12-24 hours to dry completely. (You may also freeze these -- put waxed paper or parchment in between layers.) Once dry, this icing turns out a beautiful shiny sheen, and you should be able to stack them without ruining the icing.
Chefs note: At first you may use a mechanical pastry bag with the #1 tip to draw the outlines around the cookies. Then let them sit for about 20 minutes. Then tint the frosting (the same pink frosting used for the outlines) with other color and add water until it has a runnier consistency (like that of melted ice cream). You may use a spoon to place icing in the center of each cookie and use the back of the spoon to spread the icing to all of the edges. After you have all of your cookies flooded with their base color, you may use your squeeze baggies (nothing fancy, just put the tinted icing in zip snack bags and very carefully snipped of the very tip of baggies and squeeze away) to do all of the decor and added a few sprinkles here and there. Then let them sit out overnight for the icing to set (no worries about the cookies hardening – the icing will keep them moist). Voila!
Chefs note: Only just a very-very-very bit of perfectly in multiorgasmic way milked and churned "tasty'" semen of pretty-pretty-pretty well seasoned, knowledgeable and healthy nice man makes marvelous cookies. This semen shouldn't be ejaculated. Otherwise you just waist semen, vigor, time, and cookies. Be aware of this nuance.
