Yates. Chapter 3
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     Sex before eight or else it's too late.
     — Slogan of the René Guyon Society

Many parents avoid dealing with their children's eroticism because of conscious or unconscious fears of incest. Many fathers recoil in dismay at a partial erection while wrestling with a daughter, or — even more disquieting — with a son. Yet children continue to rub, hug, and feel parents. Parents react by limiting the amount and kind of contact. They shun kissing children on the lips, remain fully clothed when youngsters are about, and avoid prolonged physical contact. Kissing becomes a conventional gesture — limited, predictable, and safe. This is necessary, at least for the comfort of the parents.

Do early sexual experiences erode children's morals, increase criminal behavior, and promote indiscriminate lust? These are commonly held assumptions. Data from other societies indicate that these dangers are grossly exaggerated. But what of our own culture? The slum and the commune are scarcely typical of our family structure. There is one event that occurs in all strata of society and that provides youngsters with intense erotic stimulation — incest. While incest can lead to serious problems, it is not always harmful. (Finch, 1973; Sarles; Yorukoglu, 1966; Rassmussen, 1934; Bender, 1952; Schlacter, 1960) A study of incest aids in our understanding of children's sexuality.

Incest taboos are the strictest and most ubiquitous moral constraints known. (Henderson, 1975; Murdock, 1949) They exist not only in human society but also in chimpanzee and monkey groups. For instance, male chimpanzees living in the wild do not copulate with their mothers. Brother and sister chimpanzees may mate with each other, but less frequently and less enthusiastically than with other chimpanzees. Father chimpanzees apparently do not recognize their offspring and may couple with their own daughters. (Jensen, 1972; Goodall, 1958) Human cultures are analogous in that only mother-and-son incest is universally prohibited.

Legends and plays have depicted incest throughout history. Marriage between brother and sister was not uncommon in ancient Egypt if the children were related only through the father. It was prohibited if the two were born of the same mother. Cleopatra was a product of a series of such incestuous marriages and eventually, in spite of Caesar, did marry her brother. Among the ancient Greeks and Hebrews, marriage among family members was permitted in order to conserve wealth and power. The Bible describes incest between Lot and his daughters after the death of Lot's wife. Salome had an incestuous relationship with her stepfather, who was also her uncle. In Greek mythology, Zeus married his sister Hera to produce a family of lesser gods. The legends of Oedipus and Phaedra warned of the inevitable death and destruction which would ensue after the rupture of the incest taboo.

Most cases of incest are never reported, and accurate statistics are not available. It appears to be most frequent in overcrowded dwellings and in isolated rural areas. (Lutier, 1972; Lustig, 1966; Weinberg, 1955) Alcoholism, poverty, retardation, emotional deprivation, and difficulties in sexual adjustment are also implicated. (Tormeys; Weiner, 1962) Immediate factors, such as the mother's absence, increase the likelihood of father-and-daughter incest.

According to Weinberg's study of 203 cases, 78 percent of incest occurs between fathers and daughters or stepfathers and stepdaughters. Eighteen percent is between brothers and sisters, and one percent between mothers and sons. The remaining three percent are multiple relationships.

Sibling incest is least often reported and is usually handled within the family. Incest between prepubertal children commonly follows a pattern of normal sex play, leading eventually to heterosexual intercourse with no particular emotional damage. Fox found that brothers and sisters who experiment together before puberty are less likely to be sexually attracted to each other after puberty. Recent studies of Israeli kibbutzim and of Taiwanese children also indicate that early social familiarity reinforces the incest taboo. Mutual sex play among siblings does not prove harmful, and could foster a robust, healthy, nonincestuous stance later in life. (Weiner, 1962; Riemer, 1940; Fox, 1962)

Mother-son involvement is the most malignant form of incest. Prohibitions against such relationships are the strongest of all. Raphling et al. describe a family where multiple incestuous relationships occur. The son who was the chief perpetrator of the liaisons is nonetheless disgusted by his mother's attempt to seduce him. He continues to bear resentment toward her. Mothers who seduce their sons have severe emotional disorders and are often psychotic. They may abuse alcohol and be promiscuous. The child is ordinarily left confused and angry, although Finch reports that one fourteen-year-old boy who had coitus with his mother for several years nonetheless maintains a good adjustment with many features of a healthy personality.

Between the near normal sibling incest and the highly pathological mother-and-son incest lie the majority of cases. These are the father-and-daughter or stepfather-and-stepdaughter liaisons. The relationship usually exists for an average of three years prior to discovery. Occasionally molestations are reported immediately by a shocked daughter or her irate mother, but this is the exception. Many unions are never revealed. In the liaisons that persist the whole family is involved in a tangled conspiracy. All members of the family are aware of the activity but avoid acknowledging it. (Sarles, 1975; Poznanski and Blos, 1975; Kaufman, 1954; Riemer, 1940)

Barbara

Barbara's mother was chronically tired and vexed by the father's inability to hold a steady job. She insisted that his snores kept her awake and suggested that he sleep on the top bunk of nine-year-old Barbara's bed. Barbara did housework and cooked her father's favorite dishes because her mother "couldn't stand the smell." Barbara was flattered when her father brought her special gifts and sought her opinion and advice. When her father's attentions became blatantly sexual Barbara complained to her mother. The mother called her a liar and a whore with dirty thoughts. Barbara no longer resisted and soon began to enjoy coitus. When she was twelve years old she asked her father for a ten-speed bicycle. Not only did she not receive one, but her father began to pay attention to Barbara's eight-year-old sister. Barbara was furious and the next day told her teacher everything. The police questioned the father and put him in jail. The mother vindictively accused Barbara of lying and attempting to break up the marriage. Barbara was placed in an experienced foster home. She was seductive toward her foster father until he gently but firmly restrained her. Next she became enamored of her English teacher and finally of a classmate. While in jail the father admitted the incest but asked for leniency because "I was afraid she'd get mad at me if I didn't give it to her."

Although parents are upset and under severe stress at the time of exposure, they seldom express guilt. (Poznanski and Blos, 1975; Sarles, 1975) Common rationalizations include: "It was my duty as a father to teach my daughter," or "I was afraid she'd get hurt if one of those bastards at school got her first."

What repercussions might we expect in the daughters? There are several patterns. If the daughter is cruelly coerced, especially if she is very young and in great pain, her perception of sex and her character will suffer. The following is from a court-ordered evaluation.

Jane

Jane appeared older than her fifteen years. Casually dressed in a sweater and jeans, she squirmed, giggled nervously, and blinked her long false eyelashes. Her incestuous relationship with her father had begun when Jane was only six years old. It continued uninterrupted in spite of her father's five successive marriages. At age fourteen, Jane became pregnant. Both she and her father wanted the baby. The father devised an ingenious scheme whereby he would hire a man to marry Jane and then divorce her. That way Jane would remain at home and the family's income would be augmented through county aid. Yet the father eliminated every prospective husband because he feared the man might take advantage of his conjugal rights. Finally the father married Jane himself under an assumed name. Jane inadvertently called him "Daddy" during the ceremony and then frantically corrected herself. The father was jailed, and Jane was placed in a foster home where, several months later, she gave birth to a nine-pound baby boy. The court requested my evaluation as evidence for her father's trial.

Jane recalled her initial coitus at age six. At first she had refused and wept bitterly. Her father had beaten her with a belt and Jane had submitted. In the years that followed, her hesitation provoked a punch with his fist or a whack with a board. Several years later Jane's young sister, Terry, joined Jane as the father's servant for sex. Terry had been beaten and ridiculed not only by her father but by the rest of the family as well. Each night the three would play a hand of poker — the loser was to tend father's sexual needs. Mysteriously, the father never lost. In spite of her anger, Jane be came fully orgasmic before age ten.

As Jane matured she assumed a position of great power compared to the younger children. The father was less brutal with her and gave her special privileges. When a new stepmother entered the family, Jane insidiously belittled her much to the father's amusement. No stepmother lasted for longer than two years. After the departure Jane would once again resume full command. When she complained about the younger children, her father beat them viciously. As Jane became a shapely young woman, her father jealously guarded her from the attention of her classmates. He arrived at school exactly three minutes before the last bell and solemnly escorted her home.

At the time of our interview, Jane's gravest fear was that her father would be freed. He would beat, perhaps kill her for revealing the truth. Although she and her foster mother were at odds, at least she could attend school while her baby was well tended. Now she openly dated boys and described several as "real foxy dudes."

Shortly after our interview Jane and her baby were re moved from that home. The foster mother had intervened as Jane spanked her infant son for crying. Enraged by the interference, Jane had dumped a pail of dirty, soaking diapers over the foster mother's head.

Several months later, Jane was reevaluated while in her second foster placement. She was already incredibly hostile toward her foster mother, who was "trying to take over our baby." She never mentioned any boys her own age but longed to live again with her father, whom she portrayed as strong, caring, and smart. She had forgotten the beatings and was angry at the "crooked" police and social workers. Jane thought she should have sworn that two men raped her so that her father would not have been jailed. Shortly thereafter, Jane angrily ran away from that foster placement, abandoning her baby.

Somewhere, Jane awaits her father's release from custody.

When incest is forced amid tears and beatings, eroticism and anger become linked much as they did with Cathy in the last chapter. Yet Jane is fully orgasmic while Cathy's response was seriously impaired. Jane clearly describes intense early erotic stimulation, while Cathy was unable to recall any self-stimulation or sex play at all.

Incest is not ordinarily accompanied by brutality — seduction is the common route. Ready rationalizations by a respected father and enjoyable sensations pave the way. The young child who doesn't know that incest is immoral is both flattered and fascinated. It feels good and gets better with practice. Incest becomes a private game, a "secret" from the mother.

Gloria

Gloria's stepfather was an Air Force sergeant who married a Filipino woman and adopted her two illegitimate children. Their marriage produced one additional child. The oldest girl, Gloria, was twelve at the time of the interview. Her stepfather had molested her since she was seven, beginning less than a year after his marriage.

Gloria's parents sat close together on the couch. The mother spoke rapidly in broken English, while the stepfather clarified and interpreted her statements. She was an excitable lady who complained of migraine headaches, sore throats, and nervousness. She depicted herself as an easygoing person who tried to forget troubles. She didn't see why the evaluation was necessary, and didn't feel therapy would be helpful. Both parents blamed the molestation on the stepfather's heavy drinking.

The mother never slept with the stepfather because she insisted on taking their five-year-old son to bed. The stepfather slept on the living room couch next to Gloria's bedroom. Gloria's door had never had a lock. The mother complained that the stepfather drank all the time and would approach her sexually by slapping and pinching her. She didn't like that kind of sex. When I inquired about the stepfather's sexual function he indicated that he had not performed "in quite a while but I think I still could."

Gloria appeared to be an attractive, mature young lady. Shy at first, she soon relaxed and spoke freely. For as long as she could remember, her stepfather would enter her bedroom at night to fondle her breasts, rub her genitals, and lie on top of her. He never attempted to penetrate her and never used force. She disliked the smell of stale gin but was aware of intense physical pleasure. At age nine she initiated sex play with boys in the neighborhood and enjoyed that also.

When Gloria was seven or eight, she told her mother about her stepfather's nightly forays. Her mother screamed at the stepfather until he retreated to the corner bar. Yet the mother continued to go to bed at eight, the stepfather still slept on the couch and there was no lock on Gloria's door. Three days later, the stepfather began again. Gloria persistently informed her mother. Finally, the mother told her to stop making up stories.

The final molestation occurred on an evening when the parents went to a neighbor's house to watch a "dirty movie." Gloria baby-sat with the younger children. The stepfather returned alone and intoxicated, fly already unzipped. He didn't expect the neighbors to follow.

Gloria was an A student and president of the Homemaker's Association. She contributed to the school newspaper and planned to become a nurse. She wished to live at home while she attended college. She had many friends and especially liked boys and soul music. She wanted to marry a man who would be rich, helpful, cute, and a good dancer. Her three wishes were for a car (a Firebird), jeans, and a million dollars.

Gloria preferred to remain at home in spite of the molestation. Yet she easily accepted the court's decision that she be placed in a nearby foster home. She visited her parents daily but always returned to her foster home before dusk.

Incest does not necessarily produce damage. Rasmussen reports on fifty-four women who had incestuous relationships between ages nine and fourteen. Forty-six are functioning normally in the community and seem unaffected by the experience.

The girls I have evaluated who were young, uncoerced, and initially pleased with the relationship remain emotionally unscathed, even after protracted incest. However, they may be devastated by the social consequences after discovery. They are fully orgasmic, sexually competent, attractive, and sometimes seductive. Guilt is a relatively late occurrence, often not appearing until early adolescence. When guilt does occur, it is nowhere near as shattering as when incest commences in adolescence. When these girls move out into school and the community, they swiftly form gratifying liaisons with more appropriate males. They retain a taste for older partners, such as foster fathers, male teachers, doctors, and policemen.

When assessed by a psychiatrist, a patient such as this displays a knowing smile, wears snugly fitting clothes, and seems more mature than other adolescents. On request, she sketches a person — unmistakably female, with rounded thighs and voluptuous lips. She has both the taste and the knack.

When the outcome is foster placement, the transition may require the relinquishment of pleasure. Society expects its children to be asexual and the foster home may be totally unprepared for a sensuous child. One social worker commented, "It takes an older couple with plenty of experience." In an understanding, unruffled placement the girls usually do adjust, temporarily inhibiting their eroticism as convention dictates.

Incest that commences in adolescence is different and devastating. Unlike the younger child, the adolescent girl has already comprehended and incorporated the moral standards of society. She admires her father and derives her moral values and self-esteem from the stability and mutual respect she perceives in the parents' relationship. The girl views her father's seduction as a traitorous act, a betrayal of her mother and of all women. If she feels pleasure she is debased and depraved. Profound guilt, depression, and helpless rage result. Fatigue, insomnia, headaches, and suicidal gestures occur and grades may drop precipitously. She may become compulsively promiscuous or refuse to date. Bitterness and frigidity may follow. (Sarles, 1975; Schlacter, 1960; Kaufman, 1954; Tormeys, 1972)

Although the daughters who experience incest early and without pain or coercion are not damaged by the act itself, incest remains symptomatic of major family pathology. Incest is considered immoral. It places the child in an abnormally powerful, yet vulnerable position. The girl takes precedence over her own mother but forfeits the warm, safe role of child. She may be possessed by a jealous father who restricts her from healthier outlets. She may be discredited, torn from the home, shunned by friends, and cross-examined in court. She may feel responsible for her father's jail term, for the family chaos, and for the divorce, if one takes place.

There is an important lesson to be learned from noncoercive father-and-daughter incest. Early erotic pleasure by itself does not damage the child. It can produce sexually competent and notably erotic young women. Childhood is the best time to learn, although parents may not always be the best teachers.

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