Afterword
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I want to add a word here about sex in relation to the remainder of a boy’s life and a girl’s life, since it doesn’t exist as something separate and apart from day-to-day living. It’s true that sex is very important, but it’s unrealistic to overemphasize it. Even in adolescence, when a boy is nearing the peak of his sexuality, the amount of time he spends in having some kind of sexual activity or in thinking about it doesn’t constitute more than a relatively small part of a total day. The amount of time a girl spends thinking about sex, even in adolescence, when it all seems new and exciting, usually takes up only a small part of her thoughts too. Her actual sexual activity is likely to be even less, unlike an adolescent boy’s.

If a boy masturbates, for example, it may take two or twenty and more minutes out of the day or night. If a girl masturbates, she probably won’t be doing it as often and as long as a boy, and when she goes out with a boy, the sexual part of the evening, if any, may be only a small part of it. If a boy goes out with a girl, the sexual part of the occasion, if any, may take up only an hour or so, and he surely won’t be doing this every day of the week. Younger boys may get an erection up to seven or more times a day, but it doesn’t last long, and as these boys get older, the frequency decreases. A boy may have sexual dreams at night, but again, he may have other kinds of dreams, too, and many of them aren’t even remembered. As we see, girls tend to take a much more romantic view of sex in these early years than boys do. They’re already process-oriented, just as the boys are goal-oriented, where sex is concerned.

Clearly sex is an important part of our lives, but it’s a rather small part of the whole, anyone’s total existence, as far as actual time is concerned. If girls or boys spend a good part of their waking hours thinking about sex, or doing something sexual, it’s often because they’re upset about it — feeling guilty about it, or anxious, or unsure. I hope this book will relieve boys and girls of some of those guilt feelings, anxieties, and uncertainties. If it does, it’s certain to decrease the amount of time they spend thinking about sex, or being actively engaged in it.

I’m not suggesting that it’s better not to become involved with sex. On the contrary, I believe it’s both worthwhile and pleasurable. But if you feel guilty or anxious about it, something valuable is lost — something that can make you feel an inch small or ten feet high.

There’s one important thing to remember. It isn’t what you do sexually that matters, as long as you’re not hurting someone else. It’s how you feel about what you’re doing that counts. If you learn nothing else from these pages, that fact alone can make the difference between leading a whole life and leading only part of one.

Both girls and boys discover as they grow up that society tries to restrict what they’re allowed to do sexually, but at the same time it constantly stimulates their sexual interest by everything around him — through motion pictures, television advertisements, what girls and boys wear, magazines, and the behavior of some boys and girls. In short, they find themselves in a world and in a society that seems to be preoccupied with sex yet imposes strict prohibitions on boy’s and girl’s behavior. He or she may violate these prohibitions every day in the week, but they don’t go away and remain a threat.

I know this is going to sound more than a little old-fashioned, but you’ll be surprised to know that your great-grandparents knew something about this situation, too. In their day, when they were children, everyone knew a familiar rhyme, all but forgotten now. It sounds old-timey, I know, but it represents a social attitude that hasn’t changed fundamentally and is familiar to nearly everyone in the country:

Mother, may I go out to swim?
Yes, my darling daughter;
Hang your clothes on a hickory limb,
And don’t go near the water.

It’s my hope that this book will teach you how to swim without drowning in society’s angry sea ? social sea that may not be nearly as angry and restrictive as it was in your grandmother’s and grandfather’s or even your father’s and mother’s days, but may be twice as confusing, because of its unprecedented freedom and acceptance.

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