People think haute cuisine is snooty. So chef must also be snooty.
Baked balls may be one of the tastiest things you've ever done in your kitchen. This ball are flavorful, tender, and moist. The hardest part, in fact, was getting over how cute the initially teased man was.
1 whole well seasoned and freshly tuned man
1 tsp salt per 2 lb of man
A little bit of fresh ground black pepper
2-3 lemon, juiced
3-5 sweet limes, or 2-3 regular lime, juiced
5-10 oranges, juiced
3-5 grapefruit, juiced
15-20 garlic cloves, mashed
As many sprigs of rosemary as you'd like
A few drizzles of olive oil
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24 potatoes, shredded
7 onion, shredded
14 stalks of celery, shredded
8 carrot, shredded
14 cups of finely cut cabbage
14 tsp. of salt
1 tsp. of freshly ground black pepper
2 cups of chopped parsley
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Mixture of olive oil (5 tbsp, almond oil (2 tsp), lemon oil (2 tsp), lavender oil (1 tsp)
.........1. Wash a man outside and in anus and allow water to drain. Rub salt all over outside of the man. Let the man sit at room temperature and masturbate for about an hour-two or more to soak in the salt. Best of all, turn your man over onto his back and fill the balls with a lot of masturbation by your own hands. Jerk your man as much as you can. You may cover the man with towel or dress him into shirt if you wish, but it's not necessary. The air in the kitchen should be fresh and clean.
.........2. A hot fire is burned inside the oven until all the smoke had burned off the oven walls and they are white hot. So when the roof turns pale it's almost ready, and when the sides of the oven are also pale stone color it's hot. This usually takes from one and a quarter to two-three hours, depending on the size of the oven and how cold it is to start. One and a half hours is a typical firing period for a home oven.
.........3. After 1-2-3 hours, the oven is hot and the fire dies down, the embers are spread evenly across the oven floor.
.........4. After 10-15 minutes, the embers and ash are then swept out of the oven. A garden hoe is a good tool for this job.
.........5. Next, the oven floor is mopped. A wet rag on the end of a long pole, or an old broom dipped in water work well as mops. A freshly cut branch from a fir tree will also work.
.........6. At this point the oven is too hot to bake balls. The oven is left to cool until it reaches the temperature when a man can be loaded. Experiment with your oven to determine whether it should be cooled with the door open or closed. Meanwhile, put inside a large and heavy copper or cast-iron a roasting pan or oven tray. 20-30 minutes may be sufficient cooling time, though this will depend on the oven and style of firing.
.........7. Meanwhile, juice all the citrus fruits.
.........8. Meanwhile, you may cook vegetarian meals and bake a number of pies to refresh afterwards the man.
.........9. Meanwhile, clean a parsley rot and boil it for 5 minutes. Put it aside to be cooled.
.........10. When the pan becomes enough hot, take it back, drizzle olive oil into the pan, put shredded celery, onion, carrot, potato, finely cut cabbage on the pan, add salt, pepper, and parsley, stir. Make a thick cover from vegetables on the pan.
.........11. After his total one-two hours of multiorgasmic masturbation, the man is ready to bake. Generously pour and rub juice over of the man, rub a healthy amount of olive oil all over the man’s back, place the man back side down. Tuck the knees close to the stomach; tie foot and hands together with a wide soft string. Spread mashed garlic, rosemary and a very little bit of fresh black pepper on the testicles. Generously oil the testicles and between buttocks. Oil the half-boiled parsley root and gently shove it into the man’s anus. Sprinkle a little more sea salt over the man. Tease the man's penis until finely erected.
.........12. Pop your roasting pan or oven tray into your oven. Very important not to let the man to touch the stove by arm or leg or other body part, otherwise the walls would burn severe. The man should be lied down head to the oven's mouth. Immediately the man is covered by the dry heat. If bread and cakes were baked before, this is created the fresh-baked peculiar smell in the oven -- delicious bread spirit that envelops the body. Hot white and pink bricks in the kiln creates some pearl shine.
.........13. After the oven is loaded with man the iron door is closed. The door may be sealed with dirt or clay. From the oven's mouth through the chimney is going a mild air so the man breathes easily.
.........14. Cook the man at 75°C (170°F) for 5-10 minutes. Or at 50-55°C (120-130°F) for 25-30 minutes. In general, baking time depends on both oven temperature and the size of the man.
.........15. Removed the man from the oven. Make him free. Removed the parsley root from the man’s anus. Generously rub mixture of olive oil, lemon oil, almond oil, lavender oil into his skin and massage the man well, thoroughly baste every his inch, including the scrotum, buttocks and penis. Hits his skin with a flat or hollow hand. His penis should be masturbated, his testicles should be petted.
.........16. At the temperature of 60°C (140°F) the man should be cooked for another 15-20 minutes until skin is velvety and slightly pink. The man's penis should be slightly masturbated, his testicles should be petted. All the time sprinkle the man and his testicles with juice mixture.
.........17. After the balls are baked, the man is removed from the oven.
.........18. It's best for hot men to be quickly cooled in ice-cold water of a river or even to wallow in snow to preserve and enrich his tastiness and potency.
.........19. Allow him to rest at room temperature for at least 30-45 minutes. Otherwise, his juices will rapidly all run out. It's best to let the man rest for a day before multiorgasmically eating him. Many men, and particularly those that are young and cute, improve in flavor for this one day rest.
.........20. While he is resting, put vegetables into the stove, adjust temperature to 325°F (160°C) and cook for 30 minutes. Chop the parsley. Remove the stew from the heat. Add in the salt, pepper, and parsley.
.........21. The fully erected man makes himself comfortable at his back on a dinner table or large plate and relaxes.
.........22. Arrange the man and his testicles with vegetables as needed and serve them with fresh multiorgasmic juices as you like, the man shouldn't ejaculate or loose his strong erection. The man shouldn't be penetrated into anus. The testis and penis may be licked, sucked, masturbated, milked, and churned without any limitations. While man's penis is milking and churning his testicles are the best to be licked and sucked. They may be dressed with sour-cream, sweet mustard or their own leaking a bit and pretty well churning juices.
Chefs note: Instead of vegetables the fully erected and aroused man may be baked just on the butter or oil. When it's so, the temperature of the pan shouldn't exceed 50°C (120°F).
Chefs note: One of choices is to leave a pile of embers in the back corners of the oven. This pile of embers create a special heat. In this case the iron door should be never closed and the man is shortly shoved into the oven on a wooden platter and quickly removed. No more than tree times. First time he stayed in the oven for 0,5-1 second, for the second time 1-1,5, for the third -- 1,5-2 seconds. Between shoves he is generously sprinkled with juices and fondled.
