Chapter XIII
<< Has It Happened Recently? >>
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The answer is yes. We have named a few men, well known to most Americans, who had reputations for being "cocksmen." Ali Khan is, of course, the most notable, but some movie stars of the past were also notorious for their sexual capacities. Yet as a group, Western men seem to have a reputation for ejaculating rapidly after insertion, and the complaint of American women is that this leaves them unsatisfied and frustrated.

Is it, then, a cultural characteristic? Has the "Puritan ethic" so denegrated pleasure that we, their descendents, are incapable of experiencing it without guilt? Is the more relaxed attitude toward sex that is found in Europe and Asia more conducive to the development of multi-orgasmic men?

It would appear so. We have already seen that a great amount of leisure time is needed before the attention of a culture is directed toward physical pleasures. In the past, this leisure was only available to the wealthy, and sexual pleasure was considered sinful by the poor and essential by the rich.
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When conception was the main goal of intercourse, the wealthy had to establish some acceptable reason for encouraging extended sexual pleasure, to justify it to their own cultural conditioning. It appears that the theory was developed that the extension of sexual pleasure (including the delaying of ejaculation and sometimes even the avoidance of it) would improve the health of the practitioner. The goal was still ejaculation, but it was controlled, used at the right time. And this rationalization made everything acceptable.

But in our country, as we have said, this concept never developed. We regularly have clients who feel it is essential that they ejaculate, even though they have no desire for children or their partners are past childbearing age. In some of those cases, the man seems to feel that there is a need to ejaculate quickly, as if that somehow proves his superiority as a male. There is a strong bias against pleasure for itself, and a man can accept pleasure when it comes only if it is severely limited.

In a personal conversation with Dr. William Masters, several years ago, we discussed a wealthy American man who had brought his sexually unsatisfied, nonorgasmic partner in for treatment. When he was informed that the solution to her problem was for him to learn to go longer in lovemaking before he had an orgasm, he lost interest. He believed that the quicker a man ejaculated, the more of a man he was. He refused to jeopardize his manhood.

Other beliefs that interfere with Americans becoming multi-orgasmic—or even enjoying sex for long periods—is the idea that ejaculations are debilitating (the old "vital fluid" concept) and should be experienced only rarely. There was a time when boys were warned against masturbation because "every man is given only a limited number of ejaculations. If you waste them, you may lose the ability when you are still young, and never have an orgasm again."

A man who believes this obviously would not dare to risk exhausting his "supply" of orgasms by masturbating to gain orgasmic control. If the fear of "using up" a limited supply of orgasms is coupled with the idea that a man proves his manliness by being quick, a man is thoroughly blocked from ever learning to be multi-orgasmic. However, such men seldom have such a goal.
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If, however, a man only wishes to learn to control his ejaculations, it is easy to teach him, at the same time, to become multi-orgasmic. Often such subjects experience retrograde ejaculations, which they find acceptable.

We realize that if we had more data from the past, we might be able to help such men control their ejaculations as it seems the ancients did. Earlier cultures apparently had better methods than we do to control ejaculation and to guarantee retrograde ejaculations. This technique was actually used by some, it appears, as a method of birth control that worked very effectively.

In our experience, however, retrograde ejaculations occur more by chance than choice with the multi-orgasmic men we have monitored. Transurethral prostate surgery produces retrograde ejaculations. Men in our society, however, seem troubled by this, since they feel that ejaculation is necessary for orgasm, and they consider themselves "inadequate" because they can't ejaculate in a "normal" way. Often they complain that ejaculation isn't as enjoyable "that way."

We recently spoke to a research subject, a medical doctor who has worked extensively in the field of human sexuality, who had transurethral surgery. He informed us that his sexual pleasure had increased, and that he had become multi-orgasmic. His wife confirmed what he said. She told us that they now had sex more than they had before his operation, and that sessions lasted longer than they had in the past.

This leads us to believe that were it possible for modern men to learn to control their ejaculations and/or have retrograde ejaculations at will, they would soon be able to vie with the ancients for sexual kudos.

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Sex and Religion

We've already seen that in ancient times extended sex seemed to be directly connected to religion. Our puritanical background leads us to assume that all advocacy of extended sex in more recent times is anti-religious. This, however, is not true.

John Humphrey Noyes, the head of the Oneida Community, was an ordained minister. His advocacy of extended sex was based on his religious beliefs, and the entire community had a strong religious "flavor."

How did this tie between religion, which we consider a "spiritual" emotion, and sex, which we consider "physical," develop, especially during periods in history when procreation was important and necessary? We can only guess at the answers.

Our assumption is that since sex was necessary to procreate, and most cultures had god-inspired orders to "multiply," the germ of connection already existed. Then, when people did extend sex—and found that it created a unique feeling of "oneness," they considered that emotion a spiritual feeling. Also, men who have multi-orgasmic abilities often report feeling "high" when they go for extended periods, and such "highs" were considered in the past to be "gifts of the gods."

There is one other consideration: Religious leaders in the past often had more free time to experiment than did their laymen followers. This time, like the time with which the rulers and wealthy men of the past were blessed, allowed them to "discover" the techniques that lead to extended sexual pleasure.

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The Oneida Community

Constance Noyes Robertson, granddaughter of John Humphrey Noyes, the leader of the Oneida Community, wrote the most extensive description of the Oneida Community in her book Oneida Community: An Autobiography, 1851-1876. Her parents lived in the community, and she grew up there and knew many of the original members.

She stated that male continence was essential to a new group that could not afford children. It was a central theme of the movement, and all men were required to practice it. Learning was not left to chance. Open discussions by the members, where both men and women were free to speak, resulted in the decision that the older persons in the community would initiate the younger ones.

Mrs. Robertson did not specify in her book just how that was to happen. However, it was successful. Two hundred fifty people lived together for twenty-five years, practicing male continence, and they found it an effective method of controlling population. Sexual closeness was part of a general love relationship in the community. Conception was to take place only when the community approved—and then through the mating of genetically chosen partners.

Reverend Noyes is said by his granddaughter to have based his idea for this form of living on the verse in Genesis 2:1. "God made woman because he saw it was not good for man to be alone." However, we have been told of research that indicates he investigated until he devised a method of having sex without conception after his wife, whom he loved dearly, died in childbirth. Conception, he argued, was not necessary in the relationship God set up between man and woman. And in his community, conception did not occur by accident. Only one child was born in the community during the first four years of its existence, so the method they used was obviously effective.
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Noyes recognized two kinds of sexual intercourse, "one simply social and the other propagative," and decided that the propagative kind should be exercised only when impregnation was intended and "mutually agreed upon."

Evidently all the men were eager to learn the technique. The community practiced sexual freedom between and among partners, so any man who didn't learn the control had difficulty finding a partner who would have him. This certainly provided the motivation for quick learning.

According to Tannahill, Noyes presented his technique, which he called karezza, claiming ". . . it satisfied men's and women's sexual needs, avoided the excessive and 'oppressive' procreation that was almost universal at the time, and yet did not require the use of 'unnatural, unhealthy, and indecent' condoms, sponges, and lotions which were, of course, destructive to love."

Members of the community considered continence to be a positive factor in their good health and longevity. However, there could be several other explanations that have equal—if not greater—validity. The community provided productive work for all of its members, and productive work seems to have a beneficial effect on people. During World War II, when large numbers of older people became involved in war jobs, the death rate among them went down.

Another factor could be the existence of better medical care in the community than in the society in general at that time. Also, everyone in the community felt strong emotional support, and a feeling of belonging that could increase life expectancy.

In spite of these other possible explanations for the better health of the men in the Oneida Community, we cannot discount the fact that, throughout history, there has always been the suggestion made that the retention of ejaculate contributed to good health. Until that aspect has been thoroughly studied, we can do no more than to recognize its possibility. Also, since no definitive description of the method used in the Oneida Community exists, we are justified in considering the possibility that at least some—if not all—of the men in that group had orgasms without any ejaculation, rather than retrograde ejaculations.

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What Makes a Man a "Cocksman"?

In Eastern cultures, where wealthy men had many wives and/or concubines, a man's social standing was enhanced if he was able to keep all his women sexually satisfied. With such motivation, men in those societies had reason to develop multi-orgasmic abilities, or at least to master methods of delaying orgasm for a long time.

In our culture, the motivation is different, but the men who achieve sexual "prowess" all seem to have that same capacity for extending their ability to perform coitus.

We've all read of specific famous legendary lovers who seemed to be able to charm every woman they met. Don Juan, for example, was a man who was able to seduce many women, and was recognized as being able to last for long periods of time during intercourse.

The Life and Loves of Frank Harris is a book about another famous lover, whose only claim to fame was his "way" with women and his involvement in frequent and prolonged intercourse.

We've already mentioned Ali Khan, who had a similar reputation with women, due to his practice of imsak.

Certainly, this ability seems super-normal, yet many men today wish they could possess it. Often, in expressing a desire for greater sexual competence, men seem unable to differentiate between being able to "go longer" and being so attractive to women that they would have their pick of the most beautiful women in the world.

As for the women who enjoyed Don Juan's attention, or the Ali Khan's, or Frank Harris's, they seemed to enjoy themselves thoroughly, so we can assume that when a man can go for a long time, both partners benefit.

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You've Got to Breathe Right

You'll recall from the ancient Chinese writings we quoted that breathing affected the stamina of the man. We, too, have found that certain styles of breathing are more effective than others when a man is working to become multiorgasmic. Incidentally, proper breathing also affects a women's ability to orgasm, so this is not something important only for a man.

We've concluded, after studying a number of subjects, that orgasms can be controlled more easily if a man breathes rapidly, or holds his breath as he feels himself approaching ejaculatory inevitability.


Other Factors Affect It, Too

From the readings we have done, we can conclude that in the past if a man only wished to prevent expulsion of his semen, he learned to control the valve that, in normal sexual activity, prevents the ejaculate from going into the bladder. However, we have been unable to find any specific directions for those exercises that would result in such control.

Tannahill suggests that "What this method achieved, in fact as distinct from theory, was diversion of the seminal fluid from the penis into the bladder, from which it would later be flushed away with the urine."

Perhaps that conclusion is correct. However, we feel that in all the literature from the Eastern cultures we read there was no mention of such a practice, nor were directions given for learning the skill. The fact that they believed a man could divert the semen to the brain seems to indicate that they were unaware that it might have gone into the bladder.
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We've already mentioned "dry" orgasms, noting that when they occur after a man has ejaculated, they seem less strong than those reported by our multi-orgasmic men who experience them before they ejaculate.

Yet, generally, researchers continue the fallacy that orgasm and ejaculation are synonymous, and to refer to the ancient practices as actually involving delaying orgasm. Alex Cross, in a SIECUS Report, volume 10, number 2, of November, 1981, remarks that: "Throughout history, from the proponents of Indian Tantra, Troubadour love practices, at least from different nineteenth-century American variants, and from some prestigious French physicians in modern times, that the practice of extensive pleasurable love acts occur to select people or groups."

He goes on to say that this practice includes the withholding of orgasm, since orgasm ends the sex act. He claims that these practices of withholding orgasm are still used in China.

We had the opportunity to test a Chinese subject who did have multiple orgasms. As with our other multi-orgasmic subjects, he had orgasms without ejaculation that were most satisfying to him. He could have stopped at any time after the first couple of orgasms without ejaculating and been satisfied, even though he had not expelled any semen.


Not All Women Appreciate "Dry” Orgasms

In our culture, as in some others, there are women who feel that a man has rejected them if he fails to ejaculate during orgasm. They cannot believe that a man is properly aroused if he does not expel semen. We have encountered this during therapy, especially with older couples. The wife feels rejected, and tells us that "he must have a girlfriend." One even remarked that her husband didn't love her any more. "If he did, he'd ejaculate." So here again is another possible impediment to a man becoming multi-orgasmic. If either he or his partner feels that ejaculate is essential for a complete act of love, he will have more difficulty learning to have an orgasm without ejaculating.

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The Penis Is a Magic Wand

Early man revered and actually worshiped the penis. Its ability to become erect was considered magical. We carry over some of those beliefs in the names men give their penises. A penis is called a rod, a shaft, a pole, a staff, a stick, and a wand. Some of these are the same names that we give to a magician's baton. In biblical references, when a man swore an oath to another man, he placed his hand on his genitalia, to signify the solemnity of his vow. Even though most modern men would not admit to thinking of the penis as sacred, it has become obvious to us in taking sexual histories since 1968 that at least some men do view their genitalia in this light.

Emily, who came to us with her husband for therapy, told us that "It was weird. The sicker I was, the more he wanted sex. I like sex, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I was so sick I didn't really enjoy it. Once when I came home from the hospital and was still really ill, he insisted that we have sex every night. I figured it was important to him; maybe he'd missed me more than I thought. So I went along with it. I did generally feel better afterward, and I managed to orgasm."

She continued. "Then, one night, it all fell together. When we were through he said, 'There, that should make you feel better.' I realized then that he believed he was helping me get well. He really thought intercourse could affect a magical cure, that his ejaculate had magical power."
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This attitude on the part of the man has surfaced during other therapy sessions with other couples, so it is not an isolated phenomenon. One young client, Tony, expressed his feelings when he said, "I'll lose my strength if I ejaculate. It will emasculate me."

He was quite involved in Eastern (Indian) philosophy, and had very negative feelings about masturbation. This is not surprising, when you consider that early Indian literature speaks of the importance of preserving the ejaculate.

India is not the only country where ejaculate is valued, however, or where the genitalia are revered. Among the Maori, when a spell was repeated, the person invoking the spell would put his hand on his genitalia to give the spell supernatural powers. This practice occurred in other South Pacific cultures as well. And in Italy, the power of the penis has been transferred to gestures that represent it. The fica, or infamous finger, is an example of this transference of magical qualities. In this gesture, the finger represents the penis and the closed fist the testicles. The same gesture appears in ancient Roman culture, and among the early Greeks.

We've already mentioned the Biblical oath-taking that involved resting the hand on the "thigh," which was St. James' euphemism for the penis. This practice is still practiced in some sections of Morocco.

A book discussing the "Right of First Night," or Jus Primae Nodis, noted that the lord of the manor had first sexual contact with a bride, whatever her station. It appeared that there was more to the procedure than simply the dominance of the "lord" over the "minion" and his wish to satisfy his interest in "new conquests." The implication was that this act had magical overtones. This is reinforced by the antiquity of the practice, and by the fact that it is part of many cultures. We have found evidence of it in early Icelandic and ancient Roman literature, as well as in the Talmud. Arab writers, and writers in Scotland, France, Germany, Russia, and many others speak of this ritual.
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There are many possible explanations for it. Maybe the older king was considered to have more powerful magic than the young bridegroom, and thus was able to prepare the way through the hazards of "breaking in" a virgin. In any event, this is only one of many references to the potency and importance of the male genitalia. We should not be surprised at their existence. History has been dominated by males since its beginnings.

Today, we have reminders of the transference of the penile powers to the hand in such things as a boy scratching the palm of a girl's hand when shaking it, to signify that he wishes to have intercourse with her.

Therefore, when we discuss with a man the possibility that he change his sexual behavior, as he must to become multi-orgasmic, we often run into irrational objections that are based not on any scientific knowledge but on beliefs from the past that, in spite of his modern education, still affect his behavior. All or some of these attitudes may affect you in your attempt to follow our directions and develop your multi-orgasmic powers. If they do, you will have to face and overcome them before you will achieve success.

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