Any Man Can
<< Introduction >>

Most men today are well aware of the deluge of literature dealing with female sexuality that has appeared in the last ten years. There has been enough, in fact, to make many normal men give up in despair. How much motivation can there be for a man to enter into sexual encounters that demand hours of work on his part—with only a few moments of pleasure as his reward?

Very little.

Yet, till now it has appeared—at least from the literature available—that this was the best a man could hope for. Books and sex clinics challenged him to learn the meaning of being a "gentle man," and informed him that he would get his pleasure in proportion to the pleasure he gave his partner. The emphasis was on the frustration of women mated to men who ejaculated "too soon" after vaginal penetration. Male readers were reminded of their responsibility to give their female partners optimum satisfaction, whatever the cost to them in time and effort.

A dismally unequal situation, certainly.

Yet, it isn't surprising that for the last decade or two much emphasis has been directed exclusively toward women's satisfaction. Most unbalanced situations swing like pendulums for a time before true equilibrium is reached: for too many years prior to the 1960s many women had been excluded from sexual pleasure entirely.

The result, however, was the creation of sexual "princesses," who often intimidated their male partners with their expectations for sexual "service." As the inequity increased, the time came closer when, of necessity, consideration had to be given to the male's pleasure. It was no more right that he should be a "sex servant" to a woman than that she should be his erotic pawn.

Early in their research, begun in the late sixties, William Hartman and Marilyn Fithian, co-directors of The Center for Marital and Sexual Studies, realized that some of their male subjects received as much sexual pleasure from lengthy periods of lovemaking as did their partners. These men were not simply doers, stimulating wildly orgasmic princesses. They were experiencing as many orgasmic peaks as they provided their partners. And because their pleasure and that of their partners was mutual, they seemed more able to feel true intimacy. It was these men who inspired the research that led to this book on multi-orgasms for men.

When the Center for Marital and Sexual Studies in Long Beach, California, was first established, the advisory board agreed that Hartman and Fithian should "research human sexual behavior in the laboratory and treat sexual dysfunction." Both they and the board assumed that most of their efforts would be directed toward the treatment of sexual dysfunction—and so they were.

However, they soon realized that many of the men and women who came to them for help were totally unable to communicate with others in any nonverbal manner, let alone sexually. They wanted to touch and show affection, but they didn't know how. Often they didn't even dare to try for fear of being rebuffed, or because they assumed that any physical contact would inevitably lead to intercourse. Some had a deep inner conditioning against entering into any form of physical closeness. To help these clients, Hartman and Fithian developed a treatment process that involved a gradual introduction to touching and caressing without any demand that such contact lead to actual intercourse until both partners had grown accustomed to close nonsexual physical contact. A report on that technique was published in Treatment of Sexual Dysfunction.

Why approach sexual problems by such a path? Because Hartman and Fithian learned very quickly that most of their clients had a desire to express affection, but felt inept at doing so. They wanted more than just to improve their sexual performance. They wanted to learn how to share their feelings. They wanted to be freed of inhibiting conditioning so their sexual encounters would become expressions of the deep love they felt for each other. And they wanted these expressions of affection to be released from the anxiety that demands for certain levels of performance put upon them. The nondemand caressing approach to sexual difficulties advocated by Hartman and Fithian usually solved the problems.

With such a beginning, it is logical that the primary goal of the Center should remain that of helping clients to achieve a warm intimacy that will give sparkle and joy to their lives. Since mutual sexual pleasure is a desired aspect of that intimacy, it is also logical that Hartman and Fithian should turn to the problem presented by the great disparity between male and female sexual behavior.

A feeling of warmth and intimacy grows when a couple is not rushed—and when both partners have a true desire to extend the time they spend in lovemaking. If a man sees sex as a five-minute dash to ejaculation and the woman is hoping for hours of pleasure, they certainly cannot reach any mutually satisfactory form of sexual communication.

So this book is only incidentally a "how-to" book. Far more important to the happiness of the couples who will read it is what is said about intimacy and its relationship to mutuality. No union can work if one partner is forever giving and the other receiving. There must be a balance. When a man can share in the soaring experience of multiple orgasms, he will have less reason to resent the demands that satisfying his partner put upon him. Working together in this way, a man and woman will mutually reach the ecstasy of true fulfillment.

There are definite steps a man needs to take to master this technique. It begins, obviously, with personal effort and a strong desire for improvement. As a man develops the ability to enjoy extended sexual contact, he also becomes more open to experience the thrill of sharing true warmth, closeness, and emotional intimacy. With such rewards ahead, the effort involved seems small, indeed.

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