Chapter IX
<< Don’t Be Afraid to Masturbate >>
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We've said a lot already about masturbation. Maybe, for some of you, we seem to be making far too much of it. But we have a reason. In our experience, both with clients and at lectures, we have encountered very strong resistance to the act—and even to any discussion of it. We are aware that it is popularly assumed that everyone in our modern society is comfortable with nudity and sex, that only a few people still remain who fear masturbation. But popular belief and reality do not seem to coincide in this area.

We have found that a very small number of Americans are totally at ease with masturbation. If you are one of those, just skip this chapter.

But if, in spite of everything we've said, you still don't want to masturbate, then read on. For all that we've said, masturbation still isn't the only road to your becoming multiorgasmic. But being willing to masturbate is. It's the attitude that's important. From 1968 through 1982, we've seen approximately five thousand research subjects and clients. They've given us many reasons why they couldn't (or wouldn't) masturbate. Maybe you have one that's unique. But more probably, you have used one of the excuses we'll list now.
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       1.    My value system forbids it.
       2.    I don't know how.
       3.    Masturbation is for kids—not men.
       4.    I'm afraid I'll get hooked, and stop enjoying intercourse.
       5.    I don't need to. I have all the sex I need—the right way.
       6.    If I get to enjoy masturbation, maybe I won't be able to function with a partner anymore.
       7.    My religion forbids it.
       8.    It's evil—of the devil.
       9.    It's too much work.
       10.    I don't have the time.
       11.    My partner wouldn't want me to masturbate.
       12.    What would my friends think—if they knew I was doing it?

If you just can't overcome your objection to masturbation, don't despair. There are other methods that can be explored. They won't be as easy, but they will work. If you're willing to stick to it, we'll show you what to do.

But before we abandon the easiest way to practice, let's give it another try. Here are our answers to those objections.

To start with, we'll bypass the ones that deal with religion and value systems. We'll get back to them later.

       2.    You don't know how. Well, we're here to teach you how, so that objection is no good. If you read this book carefully, you'll have more information about masturbation than you thought existed.

       3.    Kid stuff? Not at all. Masturbation is used by adults from twenty to ninety. It fills a definite need. There's nothing childish about giving yourself pleasure. As the ads say, "You deserve it."
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       4.    You think you might get hooked. In all of our studies, we have never encountered a sane, undisturbed person who was "hooked" on masturbation. But were that to happen to a man, he could seek help in eliminating that addiction, just as you can get help in "unhooking" yourself from drug addiction, or an addiction to cigarettes.

       5.    You don't need to. You have enough sex—of the right kind. There's nothing "wrong" about masturbation. It is as "right" as intercourse. Each has its place. And what if a time comes when you don't have enough intercourse? Why wait until then to learn the technique?

       6.    Maybe you won't be able to function in intercourse anymore. No danger! Some of our best subjects—men who are masters at pleasing a female partner and themselves— tell us that they masturbate regularly. Both practices can exist side-by-side.

       9 and 10. Too much work; not enough time. If you like tennis, do you avoid it because it's too much work, or because it takes too much time out of your life? Of course not. Well, you'll find the pleasure you receive from effective masturbation more than overshadows the effort and time involved.

       11.    My partner wouldn't like me to do it. Have you asked her? Have you both read what we say about the benefits of this practice? If she still says no, then you will have to take another path to multi-orgasms. But if she knows you bought this book, and approves of the purchase, she isn't apt to object to your practicing the easiest way.

       12.    What would my friends think? If you discuss your sexual activities with your friends, they'll probably be in awe, especially if you tell them that you had learned to become multi-orgasmic by masturbating. They'd probably go right out and buy their own copy of this book.

       1, 7, and 8. We have no wish to disturb anyone's religious beliefs. However, be sure you aren't just hanging on to some childhood prohibition and using a religious justification for your attitude. If you really have religious objections to masturbation, then you'll have to go some other route.
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A few more words about the possibility of anyone becoming "addicted" to masturbation. There are volumes of evidence that "excessive" masturbation (which actually interferes with a man's normal living) is related to pressing emotional problems. If you are a normal man with a normal range of interests, you have little chance of developing an addiction to sex—but you certainly can learn to appreciate and enjoy it more.


Are There Alternatives?

If you have strong religious inhibitions against masturbation, there are other ways to reach your goal of becoming multi-orgasmic. You can continue to strengthen your PC muscle, and tighten it instead of using the squeeze technique to stop ejaculation. It won't be as easy—but it can be done.

As for a substitute for masturbation, try this: When you are having intercourse, have your partner continue thrusting after she has an orgasm. If you feel that you're about to ejaculate, and you don't want to, have her tighten her PC muscle as you tighten yours. (You can see that she'll have to do the same exercises you do to strengthen that very important muscle.)

Even if you do ejaculate, have her keep up the movement. There's no reason why you have to stop intercourse when you ejaculate. That's just one more pattern we've accepted without question. Momentary penile sensitivity after orgasm is usually dissipated in a few seconds. This brief period should not interfere with continuing movement. Brief pauses in ongoing coitus frequently occur.

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The Masturbation Machine

A modern invention is helpful here. It's called a self-stimulator by some manufacturers. We use it when we have a handicapped or elderly client who would find even slow manual masturbation too exhausting. Such clients usually tire more easily than do healthy or younger men, and fatigue is often the cause of early ejaculation. If a man is too quickly exhausted, he may even abandon intercourse or masturbation entirely, and not have an orgasm (or ejaculate) at all.

Cliff, a client, has been handicapped for fifteen years. He'd been told by his doctor that he would never have erections again—nor would he ejaculate.

"They told me I was terminal, too," he said, smugly, "but I've outlived both of them." (He was referring to his doctors.) When he came to us he expressed a wish to see if "they" had been wrong about his sex life, too.

We put him on the masturbation machine, and he not only had an erection, he ejaculated. We continued to use the machine throughout his therapy, and by the time he was finished, he had recovered his ability to have sex without using any outside aid.

He was understandably pleased. "I guess I didn't really think I'd be able to do it," he said on his last visit. "I still need help, of course. Someone has to put me in position, and my partner has to do all the moving. But with her help, I can get my penis in, and we can have good sex. I feel wonderful about it. Everything in my life has more meaning now. I'm more motivated to do things I thought I'd never enjoy again. I'm even back in physical therapy. Life has meaning for me again."

If you're handicapped, you might want to buy one of these machines.
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There are several kinds of stimulator machines, but the one we find most useful is a small portable model. It has a handle on the case, and various sizes of sleeves that fit around the penis. The sleeves and other parts of the machine can easily fit into a small paper bag if you want to carry it somewhere. Our clients usually choose one or two sleeves that they want to try to use. A condom is slipped onto the penis before it is put into one of the sleeves, and either Vaseline or a special lubricant sold by the manufacturer is applied to prevent irritation. Our clients who have taken the machines home report that it is very portable.*
    * Reference in the text to either portable or console-type masturbation machines refer to those manufactured by:
        FUNWAYS INC. P.O.Box 9691 North Hollywood, California 91609 or
        FUNWAYS INC. 15424 Cabrito Road Van Nuys, California 91406

The action of this machine is much like the action of a milking machine. Our clients use it in either of two ways:
       1.    The sleeve can be made to move up and down the shaft of the penis.
       2.    The machine can be held at the base of the penis, where it produces a slight squeezing effect.

There are warnings. Don't set the machine at too high a speed. If you do, it may produce ejaculation without orgasm, actually "milking" your glans. While this won't harm you, it is certainly not what you're working for. You want to be able to have orgasms without ejaculation—not the opposite.

If you buy one of these machines, set it at its slowest speed. Let your erection and your responses build slowly. You'll still have to touch your penis when you apply the squeeze technique—or your partner will have to do it. At that point, it might be easier if you pull the sleeve off, so it doesn't interfere with your squeezing. Tightening the PC muscle can help hold back ejaculation, too, if it's done at the same time as you squeeze.

If you want to keep the machine going even while you're tightening your PC muscle, you definitely must set it at its slowest speed. The idea is the same as if you were using your hand. You want orgasm to occur, but not ejaculation.
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Despite their objections to manual masturbation, some people are "turned off" by the machines, which they find "too mechanical." Once again, we're up against an unreasonable reaction. Such people often have visions of sex as being some sort of magical, mystical experience, even though they have never themselves found it to be that way. They feel a machine destroys the magic. When we come up against such opposition, we have to undo years of conditioning before we can proceed with the lessons.

Incidentally, we have mentioned that the squeeze technique can be used by men who have hypospadia or epispadia, when the urethral opening is either on the underside or the top of the penis, instead of toward the tip. When such a condition exists, you can squeeze anywhere on the penis, below the urethral opening toward the base.

We mention this here, because if you are using the machine and wish to leave it on, just before you reach ejaculatory inevitability, you can squeeze at the base to avoid ejaculation.

Remember the advice given before. Persevere. Don't give up if you fail the first few times you try. People who succeed at the tasks they set for themselves do so because they keep on trying until they win.

As for the machine, once you've mastered the art of having multiple orgasms, you can put it aside. It's served its purpose.


What Do You Call Masturbation?

Joan, a minister's wife and a very proper lady, was shocked when we asked her if she masturbated. "I never masturbate." We could tell she hated to use the word. "Never have. It's against my religious principles."

We duly noted her response and continued with her sexual history.
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Some questions later we asked how she achieved orgasm, since she had already informed us that she did not orgasm during sex with her husband. We had difficulty containing our reaction when she answered.

"Well," she spoke softly. "I use my vibrator a couple of times a week. I usually orgasm two or three times with that. I just can't have an orgasm any other way."

It was easy to understand that to her the word masturbation had a limited definition. It meant only "touching the genitalia with the hands." And her attitude was clear. She would never do that, because that was "sinful."

Before you male readers have a good laugh, consider that the same response has been given by men as well. A young client, a Muslim student from the Middle East, was anxious because his wife was coming to visit him. The last two times he had gone home to see her he had not been able to have an erection, and this worried him.

He explained to us that because of his religious beliefs, he could not have extramarital sex, and that meant that when he wanted another woman, he divorced his present wife and married a new one. This current wife, who was coming to visit him, was his fourth. He assured us that he had never had sex outside of marriage, nor had he ever masturbated.

He repeated his opposition to masturbation when we suggested that masturbation might serve as a method for keeping his sexual organs in working condition during the long periods of deprivation when his wife was not close by. Again he responded by assuring us that he could not— would not—masturbate. "Is there not some other way?" he asked.

He was delighted when we showed him the masturbation machine. If he used that, he told us, he would not have to "pollute himself" by touching his penis. In his culture, the hand that holds the penis when a man urinates (always the left hand) is considered unclean, and is never used to touch food or the hand of a friend.
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He took the machine home with him, and on the next visit reported success. "This is going to do it," he announced with obvious happiness. "I am now getting erections. I thank you so very much."

Several months later, we received a phone call from him in which he reported that everything was now going well for him. His erections were still firm. We suggested that he might buy his own machine, since this had been what resolved his problem, and he agreed. He realized that the pelvic exercises he was doing were not quite enough to keep him in good sexual condition.

Another young man, a devotee of yoga, also expressed a fear of "pollution" during masturbation. However, his main worry was with the semen he ejaculated, since he masturbated twice a week. His problem was not solved by the masturbation machine, since it did not in itself control the flow of semen when he ejaculated.

For this young man, who worried very much about "excessive masturbation," nothing would help until he mastered the technique of holding back ejaculation while permitting orgasm. Yet his fear of weakening himself because of the "constant ejection of his life force during masturbation" handicapped him in the learning process.

It did us no good to reassure him that masturbation was normal, nor did he accept our statement that ejaculation would not weaken him. For him, the entire process of learning sexual control was too fraught with psychic danger.

Under circumstances like this, the important need is for the individual to hold to his own value system. What good would it have done this young man to learn to be multiorgasmic, or even to gain greater control of his sexual processes, if he could no longer face himself?

You, too, must squarely confront your own value system and be certain that what we ask you to do does not violate some deeply entrenched concept that you use as a guide in your life.

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Overcoming Objections

Tony was convinced that he could never masturbate, even though we had carefully explained that masturbation could serve as the path by which he might be able to have erections. For him, the problem was long-standing. He had been born with a congenital defect in his penis. From the age of six on, he had a series of operations designed to correct that defect.

Several years before he came to us, he had had one final operation, after which he was informed that he would never have an erection. He sought us out because he was beginning to think that the doctor had been wrong. "I feel sensations in my penis. It isn't unresponsive—not entirely, anyway. Sometimes it feels fuller than it does at other times, although I haven't really had an erection. Still, I can't help but want to try."

However, he was convinced that masturbation was not for him. We asked if he had religious objections to the act.

He said no. "But my mother was against it. She said I'd have real trouble if I did it. I know it's silly. But she really hammered the idea in my head. I'm just sure I'd have more problems if I began to masturbate. But it isn't because I'm religious. Hell, I'm an agnostic. But I know that if I begin to masturbate, I'll hear my mother telling me that I'm a bad boy. I know it's foolish. And I'll do it if you insist. But if there's any other way, it would cause me a lot less problems."

We all joined in a laugh. It was clear where he was coming from. Even if he agreed to masturbate because we insisted, he'd be so tense that there would be little chance that he'd make any gains in learning the control he wanted.

We suggested a surrogate, and again he laughed. He smiled as he replied.

"You don't have sex until you're married—and on top of that, you have to love her."
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When we suggested the "self-stimulation machine", he brightened. We explained that the machine would work if he could relax and let it. We also told him that it might produce an erection. Whatever happened, if he used the machine for a while, he would have a better idea of his potential. "Of course," we added, "you could have a prothesis inserted, or get a penile implant that you can pump up when you want an erection."

"No." He spoke firmly. "No more operations. I'd rather be impotent."

He had his first session with the machine in the laboratory. We suggested that he have the usual male/female team working with him to serve as guides, but he rejected that idea. He preferred to do it alone, with a consultation with us afterward, and with the understanding that if he had a problem, we would be nearby to help him.

He did not, however, need help. When he finished his session, he came in to talk. No, he had not had a full erection. "But I did feel a lot. There's definitely something there the doctor didn't recognize."

We asked him to rate his erection on a scale from 1 to 10, but he hesitated. "I can't do that very well. I've never experienced a ten." However, he finally said he thought it was about a three, and announced that he definitely wanted to try it again.

He came in for several more sessions at the lab, and each time the results were slightly more than before. At last we suggested that he take the portable machine home and continue on his own. We made an appointment with him for six weeks later.

He was smiling delightedly when he came in. "I'm having erections that are at least a seven on the scale," he announced triumphantly. Pleased, we sent him home again with the machine, after setting up another appointment.

Six weeks later he returned with even better news. He was now having an occasional full erection.
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Once more he returned home with the machine, to return in six more weeks.

This time he surprised us both. "I can stimulate myself to erection now." He was obviously pleased. "And I don't always use the machine. I realized that I couldn't use the machine if I was going to have a partner. She'd think I was crazy. So I decided that Mother had to go." He laughed.

We asked how he felt about what had taken place, and he laughed again. "Fine. You know, when you didn't try to push me into doing anything, I got to thinking. You made it clear how important it was for me to dare to masturbate, but you still told me to stay with my feelings. But in these last weeks I've come to realize that I don't feel the same as I used to. I tried touching myself, and I didn't feel guilty at all. So I decided that it was more important for me to get free from the machine than it was for me to obey something my mother had said when I was a child."

He smiled again, evidently remembering what he had experienced. "You know, it's a lot harder for me to get an erection without that machine. But I'm working on it. I'd like to be like a normal man—and normal men don't walk around with their own private little erection machines when they go on dates."

We suggested that there would be many girls who wouldn't object to the machine, if he explained what it was and why he needed it. He agreed. If he found that he had to work too long without the machine before he could get an erection, he'd continue to use it. But he still wanted as much freedom from it as he could have.

He explained that already he was able to keep an erection up after the machine had brought him up, if he just kept on stroking himself. "I figure that I can't expect a girl to spend an hour just to bring me to erection. But if she'll be willing to stimulate me after I get it up, I know I can maintain it, and we can have intercourse."
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Tony later bought his own machine, and reported to us that he was able to use it as he had said he would, to start things going.

We have not used the masturbation machine in our laboratory for the specific purpose of training men to be multi-orgasmic. But we find that as an alternative to "manual" masturbation it is very valuable and effective. For that reason, we decided that there was no reason why it could not be effective as a tool in developing multi-orgasms in men who used it properly. Certainly the machine would eliminate the impediment that holds many men back from doing the exercises that must be done to achieve multi-orgasms.

We were pleased and not surprised when two men who own Accu Jac machines reported that they have become multi-orgasmic since they began using the devices. Admittedly, this is mere anecdotal information, not acceptable as scientific data, but it is encouraging, nevertheless. We are not generally asked to teach men to be multi-orgasmic. When a client develops that skill, it is a by-product of other remedial work. However, we have suggested that some clients might wish to work for that goal as they also worked to remedy the problems that brought them to us. We consider that as a possible bonus to their "cure," one that seems to give both the men involved and their partners much pleasure.

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